Hi guys! You guessed it, I have a thought.  Actually Doug’s post prodded me to respond. I thought you might like to know my feelings about some of the things that Doug goes through. Yes, we have had some touch and go moments. Mind draining and heart wrenching moments. We are thankful that God has and will always pull us through.  When I first started writing a blog I said you wouldn’t hear from me if I were down. I have sifted through things for awhile now and finally got my thoughts gathered. I’m pretty slow. I don’t think that it probably takes most people this long and I’m a touch lazy. Just a touch. It seems that we have had a lot to process recently.

First I would like you to know that Doug’s depression medicine has really helped him. I have seen vast improvements since he has been on it.  At times it seems that it just has a hard time catching up with things that we encounter along the way.

Since Doug is posting about suicidal thoughts and deep depression I thought I would post on suicide watch.  I have been on it twice since we have started on this journey. I always watch for it, or it’s in the back on my mind.  The first time was when Doug was owning up to his addiction and dealing with the ‘why’s’ in therapy.  Digging up past painful memories was really not helping with his depression.  Doug was just going to counseling at that time, during some of his biggest struggles, his therapist went to a convention. She told him that if he felt more he could handle that he should just go to the emergency room and they would put him on a suicide watch. There he could get the medicine that he needed. Not good advice. He finally got to see a psychiatrist just in time to get some medication.  Then it was just guess work until he finally got the right type and dosage. He is on one for depression and agoraphobia; another one for anxiety and OCD; and another for his ADD.

The only ones he had to turn to was Dusty, Steve and me.  Without their support I do not know if I could have dealt with it. I checked on Doug every 30min. to make sure all was well. Most of the time he wasn’t doing well, but I had to work and could check often enough to put a bandage on his emotions until I could come up at the end of the day. When I came up he would just fall into arms crying.  All I could do was hold him, talk to him and pray until the worst was over. God was doing all the work. I absolutely didn’t know what I was doing but it seemed to help. Praise God.

Lately we have grown. God has given us the strength in dealing with problems that never go away. Chronic pain, depression, workman’s comp, lawyers, child support, addiction. Basically the never ending problems that seem to be in a continuous cycle.  Most days Doug is doing well. Some days he is not. During these times we pray and cope the best we can. I can usually tell when he is down by how he talks. Overly cheerful at times, overly tired sometimes, overly quiet sometimes, just little clues here and there.  Last week was a tough week. We usually get the younger kids every other weekend.  They haven’t come since school started.  They haven’t come since Doug had his slip and used again. They had plans every weekend that they were supposed to come here. Then they just didn’t want to come. That was devastating to us. After thinking about it, I know that we have made mistakes, but it is a two way street. We also know that we can repair the relationship if given a chance.

Anyway back to the original thought. Doug was devastated, as was I. It was the straw that broke the camel’s back. What did he have left? No job, depression, chronic pain, no self-esteem, now no kids. He felt that he only had me, and that I would be better off without him and nobody else would care. I knew that me trying to reason with him wasn’t going to work. I didn’t have any positive answers, I couldn’t see the light either. I could only hold him, cry over him and pray. I knew that God was holding both of us and he was going to pull both of us through. Doug felt that for sure if he was out of the picture everyone else would be better off.  I told him that that was not his decision to make. God is the one in control of that. God gives us choices, He doesn’t make us do anything.  If we lean on Him, He will work everything to good. He works everything to good anyway but when we make a poor choice instead of the great thing that God had planned we may just get a good thing instead.

Sure enough the next day was better, not great, but better. We got to see Brian, Carrie, Brandy, Dustin and Karissa, our grand baby. They were having a reunion in Atkins for the Homecoming Queens of the past. Brandy was in it so we went to the game to watch her at half-time.

Brian and Doug are close, he feels love from Brian and respect. Doug needed to feel love. Brandy and Dustin have always accepted Doug and of course just want the best for me. We felt love with them and a little healing. A breath of fresh air, hope.Life goes on. It’s good to be alive.

Then Doug’s dad called and after their talk, Doug felt more love, acceptance and healing. We appreciated the call. Though Doug’s dad did not say it, we felt like he knew through Doug’s brother in law and sister out of love and concern for us. God works in mysterious ways. I got an e-mail from a sister at church that simply said “Are you O.K.? you have been on my mind a lot, and I’m praying for you.”  Just knowing that people were praying for me and that they knew me this well lifted me up.  God is love. He is constantly watching over us. His peace, comfort and healing was, and is, wonderful to feel.

Since God always has a lesson for us, we learned this go around that we need to face our fears. It’s kind of empowering. The kids aren’t coming and still do not want to come see us.  We have some repairing to do, along with building a better relationship. During this time we figure; What’s the worse thing that can happen? They won’t come see us? That has already happened, and we lived through it. Doug had to go back to court for child support. We talked and figured; What’s the worse that could happen? Throw Doug in jail? Even that didn’t seem so bad. Doug actually did not mind if they did. He said that he would miss me, and I would have missed him, but if that was what should happen, so be it. Face your fears and God will see you through. He is the one holding your hand. And no, he did not end up going to jail. The attorney working the case actually understood and told him what he needed from his attorney. The insurance carrier for the workers comp case is AIG, of all things. We are tied up in the beauracratic non-sense while Doug suffers. But God will provide and see us through.

The other day we get a phone call from Doug’s oldest daughter Kati. Homeless and jobless she wanted to know if she could come stay with us, and bring one of her friends. Sure, come on in. This is the same daughter that chose to use the internet to say how terrible her father was. I guess she forgot just how horrible he was. Anyway, he’s O.K. about it now. Never was really upset, just the pain that he had to deal with in the untruth that was mentioned. Sometimes the internet seems to be the way to let everyone know how you are feeling.  I guess it’s like leaving a phone message. You can be really brave and nobody knows until they read it. Then the whole world can give their own opinion. They can all get on the band wagon and join in on the bashing, go 50-50, or a whole lot of different scenarios. I long for the days when you could just have a face to face talk. We are just as accountable on the internet as we are on the phone. Hurt is hurt.  What should be said face to face privately, ends up being public. I guess it’s part of human nature to try and get everyone involved and take sides. I digress.

Praise God for always being with us.  Praise God for strengthening us in our time of need.  Praise God for guiding us and directing us. Praise God for our wonderful family, church family, and friends.  Praise God for everything.

Noreen

Hi guys, sure enough I have a thought, so I thought I would share. We have 3 residents who just can’t seem to get along. Doug and I encourage our tenants to be friendly to each other but not to be friends if that makes any sense to you.  When the residents become friends, say a whole side of a building are all friends and then someone gets mad, or jealous, or whatever, it becomes a mess.  Guess who they want to fix it when they can’t? You got it me or Doug. Our job is to rent apartments and collect rent, not to be baby sitters. 

O.K. here is a quick summary of about 6 months of incidents.  A lady and her family live upstairs in a building, she cannot get along with the 2 women that live below her. All of the women have tempers and would really like to fight each other.  So here comes the husband to the lady upstairs to tell us all about it.  We tell him that we really don’t want to get involved in it, please just ignore each other and don’t talk to each other and basically mind your own business. Doug and I talked to all 3 women, of course in their eyes, they are all innocent, everyone else is at fault.  Acting like children, they did this to me, so I did this to them.  We don’t know who is telling the truth because we are not there and we will not take sides. All of them pay rent and are pretty good people on their own.  They just can’t get along with each other. Finally, someone calls customer relations, who in turn call us. Since they insist on getting us involved, Doug and I gave all of them a final warning that said get along or you’re all evicted and will have to move.  That sent all of them down to the office to say “Why did they have to move, they we’re innocent”. 

O.K. by this time I am at my limit and tell the husband that if the women really want to fight that bad take it off property and let them have at it, but everyone will still have to move. The women are really trying to ignore each other but just can’t seem to walk by each other without saying some snide remark under their breath to get the other person all riled up and then rush to the phone to tell me all about it.  We really don’t want to have to evict them all.  We thought that they would see how childish it was and quit, but alas the relationship is beyond repair, they won’t stop.  One of the tenants is on housing, if we evict her she will lose her housing and will really have a problem.  Not one of them have a car or can afford to move.  The only solution that Doug and I can come up with is to split them up. No problem for them but a lot of work for us.  If only they would just LET IT GO! and honestly they would probably not be able to get along with any neighbors.  Woe is me.

We are only in control of ourselves.  We can not make anyone behave the way we want them to.  Everyone is responsible for their own actions.  If we look hard enough for an excuse for our own bad behavior, we can find something that will turn it back on someone else.  Doug is in a cycle that with God’s help is going to break.  Doug has taken on his own pain and everyone elses for so long that it is embedded in him until he is now enveloped in this deep, dark depression.  When it gets too much for him to handle then he wants to escape, which brings on what he calls withdrawals.  I see it just as the overwhelming desire to use because he wants to escape.  He has just got to LET IT GO!  Sometimes, we live in a grey world, sometimes it’s black and dark.  Those are not good days for either of us.

This brings me back to the fact that we are only in control of ourselves. Doug slipped. He faced it and has done everything that he can do.  He is not responsible for how other people handle it or think about it.  He can’t control how his children think about it or friends or family.  It is theirs to do with however they will.  We would hope that they would talk to him to hear his side of the story but we don’t have control of it, the ball is in their court.  What I know is this I don’t want this to happen, but I have no control over Doug, only Doug has control to take that pain back into himself, make a dark and depressed area for the cycle to gain speed, or allow God to use him as a vessell, there will still be pain and dark times, but God is able to use them.

 It seems so simple to me. Let it Go! You can’t, I can’t, nobody can change the past.  What is done, is done.  We all have regrets.  We can only hope that we don’t keep making the same ones and grow from our experiences.  That’s why I am so grateful that God put Doug and me together. I have grown so much spiritually with Doug. God is working so much in our lives, it’s exciting, it’s wonderful, and I feel so blessed to have him as my husband.  Doug has been in a funk this last week. He really had a hard day last Sunday.  He made an appointment with his alternative medicine person, to get what I call de-funked.  He always seems better after he sees her.  She takes the black and makes it grey so that he can cope better.  I know that God is going to take the depression away, which will take the wanting to escape away, which will take the wanting to use away.  All that Doug has to do is LET IT GO!  God is just waiting to take it from him. As much as I would like to do that for him, I can’t it’s for him to do.

I believe that all of us struggle with taking on things that aren’t ours to take, or fix. We just make a mess. The only way that we can be at peace is to just take care of us.  We have to take the serenity prayer serious.  Can we change anything?  Is there something we can do to make a situation better?  If the answer is yes, then we should go for it.  Do what we can to make it better.  If the answer is no, it’s out of our control. Leave it alone and forget it.  God wants us to live in the light, be joyous, and have hearts like children.  We can’t do that if we are busy trying to help him do his job.  Let Go and Let God, it’s the way we will survive.

Praise God,

Noreen

I hesitate to post so soon. People might expect me to post more often, but I get writer’s block pretty easily.

One of the spiritual disciplines that I have learned is Blessed Awareness. Simply looking for God everywhere. One of my frequent prayers for Doug and me is to open doors for us and let us do your will.  Doug so wants to help other addicts as he struggles. It’s hard to know when a door opens if it is from God.

About a month ago, Doug was approached from a church member about his son that was struggling with drugs.  The man asked if he could speak to him.  Doug was so excited.  He thought yes, I can help.  Maybe he could start a class, he spoke with Dusty about getting started.  He was all fired up, thinking God was opening a door.  Doug did speak with the young man and hopefully he will turn to God and seriously try to quit.  The impression that Doug got was that he was not ready yet and still using.  What surprised me was the effect that it had on Doug. Instead of making him feel better, it made him feel dirty.  It pulled him back into the memories of the life style.  It made both of us realize that he wasn’t strong enough yet not to be pulled back.  Maybe that’s what God was telling us. 

Then in a couple of weeks, out of nowhere comes this retreat idea.  We’re thinking O.K. maybe this is a door that God is opening.  He has opened so many good doors for us we are afraid not to walk through.  The whole time Doug was gone, I was praying.  “Let this be a blessing, Let Doug be blessed, Let someone be blessed by Doug. Please keep your arms around Doug, Jesus.”  Then he comes home completely undone. It left me questioning, Um wrong door.  But I KNOW that God works all things to good, I just had to look for the blessing.  God is always, always with us.  He is constantly watching over us.  He allows us to make choices and works from those.  Doug made the wrong choice but we got such a wonderful blessing.  It might not be the blessing that God had originally planned but he still blessed us.

It took all week. Blessings from our readers to start but the real blessing came on Sunday. The blessing was that Doug had two choices.  He could go back to dark world. To fake friends using drugs that just use each other and don’t really care at all or he could fall into the light. God showered us with the love of the church.  Love everywhere, wherever he turned was love and support.  How great is that! God is so awesome! God works all things for good. You just have to watch and be aware. God doesn’t always answer our prayers in the way that we think he should.  Usually it’s because we don’t make the right choice or pray for the wrong reasons or our heart isn’t right.  Maybe we don’t see that he really did answer our prayers.

One of the prayers that I have been praying for a couple of years is for my children to find a mate that would lead them back to God and be a good match for them.  My daughter got married last year.  I love my son-in -law. I couldn’t have chose anyone better than him if I had tried. My daughter-in-law is perfect for my wild child, Brian.   She is strong and has some common sense and can control him better than me for sure. We still have a lot of praying to do there. But God gave him a good woman.  My oldest son Brandon has also found someone that is a good match for him.  I see God working in their lives. 

It’s all in his time, not mine.  He is in control.  I surrendered them to HIM and now I am just looking to see what he is doing in their lives.  We went to Fayetteville last month to see our oldest two children and their mates.  I told my son-in-law and Brandy on the way home, that I had prayed to God that he would send all of my children good mates and that I couldn’t be prouder of him.  Brandy said “Way to pray,mom”  I thought to myself, you just watch out, I haven’t got started yet.

God does answer our prayers.  We just have to look for them.  He usually gives a lot more than we asked.

 

Praise God,

Noreen

Well it’s time for me to post again. I don’t read all of Doug’s posts. I don’t have to I live with him and he gives me an update of how he is feeling and we talk a lot.  I live with a drug addict. I know that it is an illness.  I know that their are setbacks. I know that we are in it for the long haul. I know that we are going to beat it. I know that God is with us. I know that he needs my support. I know that he thinks that he doesn’t deserve to live in his mind. I know how he struggles. I hear it and live it every day. I love him and will never give up on him.

So we had a set back. I could give up. I could leave him. I could beat him up. I could judge him. But why? He does that every single day. He doesn’t need any help with that he is very, very good at it.  This is my take on it.

Doug had been clean for about 15 months! In February he had an incident with one of his prescription medicines that opened my eyes and made me more alert. He has had counseling, has medications to help with depression and ADD, has had alternative medicine, and lot’s and lot’s of love from our church family and family.  So everyone just kind of thinks he’s healed.  The truth is drug addiction is a moment by moment day by day struggle.  Just like all other addictions. The thing that I am most proud of Doug is his accountablility, which is part of the process of getting better. He could just be accountable to me.  He has chosen to be accountable to everybody which is much much harder and something I could never do.

He went to a retreat for addicts that was recommended by his psychiatrist. We have always thought that drug rehab was a waste of time because generally it is just a place to make connections and set you back. But the Dr. recommended this. It was not what we thought it was going to be, had we known he would have never went. He wasn’t prepared or ready for what he encountered sooooooooooo we had a set back. If it were me in the same position I would have come home and told Doug that it wasn’t what I thought it was and I wouldn’t want to go to anything like that again. Doug came home and told me what happened, told our preacher, is going to tell an elder, and confessed to his blog readers. It’s that what all of you would do? I wouldn’t. Bearing your soul, admitting to everyone that you let them down, again, feeling worthless and shameful and not worth anyone’s love only to get yeah, your right. You are loser is not something I would ever do.

So here we are again at ground zero starting over again. This is how it is living with a drug addict. I am not giving up and I am not going to let Doug give up either. This is a committment in a relationship. There are going to be setbacks, that comes with an addiction. If an addict is going to get better, it’s not all on their own. I have learned a lot from reading co-dependancy books to help me and him. Judging is not anywhere in there. It’s always easier on the outside looking in to give advice and say what you would do. It’s easy to say just quit, say no and all of those other things. We are struggling the best way can. We need prayers, we need God, and we need support. Until you have walked the path please don’t judge. It’s not helpful, just hurtful, and self defeating.

Co-dependancy books are helpful and give you insights to living with people with addictions. Setting boundarys, relationships, and how to help, and not enable. Any addiction, true addiction is a struggle that is hard to overcome.  It’s not easy. There are tons of web-sites to read, but applying the ideas for a positive result is work. I am willing to do the work. I hope that none of you ever have to do the work. In reality though we all have struggles and the only way to overcome them is doing the work. I never want Doug to feel like he has to hide things from me.  If he does then I have lost the battle and so has he. That’s when I will quit, the trust will have been broken and all with be lost. Let’s not push for that.

Noreen

It seems that I only blog once a month. I’ve been thinking how Doug and my lives have been this last year and how God has been working in it. We have been so blessed and God’s hand can be seen everywhere.

First, Doug’s drug addiction. He confessed to the world about his drug addiction. He received only love and support.  He couldn’t always see it or feel it but it was always there. Sometimes neither of us could see it.  We were tired and just wanted an end. Sometimes we just breathed God in and out to survive. He is constantly holding us and guiding us. He gave us Dusty. Dusty is always there. He was there when Doug was really bad, not knowing what to do and panicking. He could always put things in perspective and make Doug laugh and calm him down. I knew I didn’t have to worry as long as Doug was with Dusty. I knew that Doug would be better when he got back.  We also got Doug into counseling, and then to a psychiatrist, and on medication.  We couldn’t afford all of this so an unknown benefactor from our church family has been paying for this. Doug has made great strides.  His depression seems to be under control and he is dealing with the issues that led him down his long walk into destruction back into the light. He is learning who he really is for the first time, and I get to see too.  I am so blessed.

After looking back at this year and seeing all of the godly people that God has put in our path, it’s just overwhelming. When we started this journey, we thought or I thought we were dealing with Doug’s back problem and trying to get back into the workforce.  But God knew that we had other things to take care of first.  So now I think that we are back to the back problem. God’s been looking after that also.  God put his in Steve Floyd’s path. Steve has a lot of contacts and is a very influential person. He has been helping Doug with some educational opportunities and has always helped us with some of our legal problems.  Guess what! Since Doug has been seeing the psychiatrist for depression, she has also decided that he may have ADD too, sooooooo now if he does go back to school, he should do really well.  Isn’t God Awesome?

After over 3 years it seems that workman’s comp. might actually be getting it together.  Things seem to be moving forward. My breath prayer has been  “Jesus I trust you.  Please open a door for Doug.”  All of a sudden things in every direction seem to be happening. I have learned this past year not to anticipate what it’s going to be, but just to wait and see what it is.  It’s exciting.

I believe that I have a control problem. I know all of you that know me will find that hard to believe, but it’s true. I keep thinking that I have given everything over to God.  I do that part really well, the part that I struggle with is letting it go. I’m getting better at it, mainly because I have worn myself out and have no choice, but to Let Go! That really hit me today at Church. Dusty gave another wonderful sermon and when it came time to respond he asked people that had burdens to come forward so that the Church could pray over them.  I’m not a come forward person, but I felt I really needed to. I just didn’t have the strength to do it.

I am letting my job get the better of me and trying to control or take responsibility for things that I have no control over and then letting it wear me out. I have told you before that I am stubborn.  I think God let me wear myself so HE could make the point. My new breath prayer is ” Jesus, I trust you. You are in control. Guide me and use me.” I feel better already.  Any prayers for the peace and comfort that only the Holy Spirit can provide will definitely be appreciated by me.

I’ll keep you posted on all of the doors that open.

Praise God!

Noreen

I’m back! It seems like I can only come up with a thought about once a month. I have sure enjoyed reading everyone else’s though. If you just want to tell everyone how your day is going, go to Dusty’s blog site. It has been turned into a comment blog. It’s great fun! OK I better get back to my thought before I forget it.

I get paid bi-weekly. So it’s feast and famine. First week is pretty good and the second week is famine.  Doug and I have grown used to it and manage just fine.  We have had the kids for the first 6 weeks of their summer so it’s been a financial challenge. So, the second week before payday, we refer to it as “Going to Africa”. A place where less fortunate people live and struggle to survive.  We are learning to ration and stretch our supplies. I actually have had a little fun with this and have discovered how very spoiled we are.

The kids are not enjoying it so much.  Brittany, has had fun with it, she and I are on the same page. Anthony just takes things as they are not too much from him one way or the other, but Jamie pretty much panics about the second week and especially Thursday the day before payday.  First, he decided that he wanted to go back to his mom’s.  I think that he really thought that he was going to starve. I said we need to ration, we just can’t go through the groceries, we have to make what we have last.  We can’t snack and we have to make sure that everyone has an equal share.  He thought that instead of rationing that we should ravage everything.  I made sure that I wanted to share my canteen with Brittany and not Jamie. I knew that he would drink all of his dry the first day. Last Wednesday, he wanted to know if he could sleep all day so that he wouldn’t think about eating. Seriously, we are not starving the young man.  I don’t think that he has lost any weight, it’s just the very thought that we might run out. It puts the young man in a panic.

You know we can make it stretch, with no soda’s, snacks and conserving what we have.  Just cooking what we need and trying not to waste anything.  I wish that I could cook like my grandmother and great-grandmother did.  Neither of these ladies wasted anything.  You would never know that you were eating leftovers, every meal seemed like a new creation.  I believe that it’s a lost art. When I was growing up, we had to eat what was on our plates.  We didn’t have a choice of what we wanted.  If we didn’t like what was fixed, it was just too bad. The choice was either eat it or not, but nothing else was going to be prepared and we didn’t eat between meals.  There are 9  in my family and I’m sure it was a struggle it just didn’t seem like it.  I do remember that I hated when mom cleaned out the freezer.

I was raised on a ranch and when it got down to beef tongue, heart and all of those kind of things, I definitely wished there was another option.  But my Dad was adamant that we ate what was put before us and that we cleaned our plates. He made it a challenge so I guess that’s how come it has been fun for me to try and meet the challenge. I believe that we are going to make it, the kids will be going home on Friday, and then Doug and I will only have one more week to go, although we have enjoyed it immensely.  Hopefully ,Jamie won’t have to “Go to Africa “anymore this summer.  You would just have to be here to see the panic that comes across his face when Brittany and I tell him, to get ready to pack up, we’re on our way to Africa.

God bless and have a good day,

Noreen

Today Grampy and Nanna got to spend the day with Karissa at our house.  Originally, we thought that we were going to be able to keep Karissa Sunday night and Monday at her house.  For some reason I thought that I had Memorial Day off. Doug and I love going to my son’s house.  It’s out in the country and they don’t get cell phone reception there. Sooooooooooo we are unreachable. Yea! But then I realized that in fact I did not have Memorial Day off. We had our hearts set on it though, after all Karissa is 1 month and 3 days old. She needs to know her grandparents. We had to change plans.  I called my son and asked if we came and got her could we keep her for the day. We had to work, but I could just put the sign up that said Ring Bell for Manager. We just had to be available but not actually in the office. The parents informed us that they could only supply enough breast milk for 12 hours. So we took what we could get.

We were at Karissa’s house at 8:00a.m. We thought we were just going to swoop in and pick her up. But no, mom had to feed her, and they had to get her stuff ready and yes, they were stalling. The parents looked so sad, when we got her loaded up, we almost gave her back, almost but we did not.  However, if they had asked we would have left her, with no hard feelings. I know how hard it is to let your kids go, even with grandparents, even if you haven’t had any sleep. I needed to be back at Germantown around 9;00 to open up. We didn’t leave their house until 9:05, so our assistant opened up. I rode in the back with Karisa, just in case she needed anything, and Grampy drove us very carefully back. We got unloaded and Karissa settled, and my phone was ringing. It was Brian.  “Mom, why didn’t you call to tell me you made it back?” I said ” We just got here, it takes a little while with a baby, you know.”

Doug is the very best grampy, ever. I enjoyed just watching him be with her. When I was having my babies, and trying to keep house, and do everything you have to do. You miss just spending time with the baby. Doug and I watched her breathe while she slept, and waited a little impatiently for her to open her eyes.  We tried out all of the contraptions that they sent home with us, and enjoyed every single moment with her.  The phone and doorbell were more annoying than they ever have been. Don’t they know it’s Memorial Day and Karissa is here? It seemed like every time I turned around one of them was ringing. I was seriously busy watching our granddaughter breathe. People can be so inconsiderate sometimes.

We honestly have the best granddaughter ever. She is such a good baby. She is really good natured, beautiful, and no trouble at all. Doug is so, so good with her. I actually had to wait my turn to hold her, and believe me I got shorted. It was wonderful.

It was wonderful when her parents came. They came at about 5:00p.m. and they just had to touch her, see her, make sure she was O.K. Yes, Nanny and Grampy had managed to keep all 10 fingers and toes attached, no drama. She was the same at 5:00 as she was at 9:00 in the morning. Her head was a little wetter from all of kisses, but she had survived some time away from mom and dad. I think that mom and dad had just barely survived though. Hopefully, it will get easier to for them to let us spend some time with her.

Praise God, for all of the blessings HE has given us. We are ready for this new chapter in our lives and on payday we need to get some Karissa toys for our house. We can’t wait.

Happy Memorial Day to everyone,
Noreen

Our family loves the Narnia Chronicles. I know that C.S. Lewis doesn’t say that his characters are directly related to the bible but it’s kind of fun to assign characters to them. We went to see Prince Caspian last weekend and this is some of the things that we related too.  What do you think?

Prince Caspian- Paul

Grumpy Dwarf-Doubting Thomas

Asilan-Jesus

Narnians-Gentiles

Attackers-Jews

King Edmond-Peter

Queen Lucy-Mary

What Bible characters do you think the Narnia Chronicles represent?

Thanks for playing,

Noreen

 

 

 

Let’s see, I have been called out to post. I have had several thoughts, since my last post. So let’s see if I can remember one. I enjoyed Dusty’s sermon on Sunday. I am a Martha and sometimes I allow my joy to be taken away. My mission this week is not to let that happen.  I am stuck in an office most of the day and I enjoy being outside and away from phones and people sometimes.  I enjoy working, physically working. I have an assistant that is here to help with the work load. She doesn’t like to clean, and unfortunately there is a lot of that involved in our job. Soooooooo, I do most of the cleaning, most of the time I don’t mind but when there is so much, occasionally, it would be nice to have some help.

I always thought if I led by example, and didn’t ask someone to do something I wouldn’t do, that they wouldn’t mind doing it.  In reality, they don’t mind watching you work yourself to death, they just figure that you want to do it. My other strategy was that if you see something that needs to be done, then you might just get up and do it.  That really doesn’t work either.  It is always there then I feel the need to do it. 

 I’m not a good boss.  I’m not very forceful until I get mad and then that’s not the time to go into everything because it’s just to much.  So most of the time I just do it myself.  Today I am going to sweep the curbs.  I don’t want to be in the office. When I am doing a task like this, I talk to God. It’s peaceful to me. I can work with HIM beside me and we get a lot of things worked out.  Friday, God and I worked on the pool, to get it ready to be inspected and opened.  It looks better then it ever has.  God knows a lot about how much chemicals to put in to make a pool sparkling.  He also knows a lot about gardening. Our flowers out front look better than ever. HE let me over water them, and kill two batches of flowers.  This year I just let Him water them and they look a lot better.  Now I know that they really don’t need soaked all of the time. I pull the weeds and HE waters. 

I usually come back from my tasks feeling pretty good about what God and I have got accomplished even though nobody else may notice what we have gotten accomplished. The trick is not to be disappointed when I come back in and everything else is a mess and nothing has gotten done. ” Martha was worried and upset about many things” that phrase fits me perfectly. I am determined not to let my joy be taken away.

This is the plan today. I am going to do the curbs and enjoy myself.  I am going to visit with God.  I am going to leave a list for my assistant to do and assume that it will be done. I am going to receive the peace and comfort that only the Holy Spirit can provide and guide my heart and mind in Jesus Christ.

Praise God,

Noreen

I get bloggers block a lot. Sunday’s after Dusty’s sermon, the Spirit usually inspires me. He did so again today.

I am a Nana and Doug is a Grampy. Our Karissa was born April 23, 8lbs. 12 oz, 20.5 inches long.  We are going to bond with her tomorrow and Tuesday. We can’t wait and I know that I will be inspired to write about her when we get back but God is inspiring me in a different direction today.

As most of you know this is my second marriage. In my first marriage, religion and going to Church was an issue, so after my divorce, I prayed that God would send me someone that would go to Church with me.  He sent me Doug and I am so thankful. The adventures that Doug has taken me on, I wouldn’t have missed for anything.

Life is an adventure. We have adventures with our parents, children and now we will adventure with our grandchildren. All of us have adventures.  It’s our choice whether or not we take God with us.  I feel so blessed now that I have had a chance to reflect and see how God has been taking us places we have never been before.  I have never wanted to be a lukewarm Christian and spewed out of the Lord’s mouth. I have worried about that.  God wants us to be with him all of the way, with all our heart, strength, mind and soul.  He doesn’t just want  a little of us, not just when we are in the mood or feel like we need to go to church.  HE knows that I love him, I’ll go next Sunday, I’m busy today, attitude.

I was thinking that having a baby is a little like the journey that Doug and I have been on. When the labor starts it’s uncomfortable but tolerable. Then in the middle, for awhile you think O.K. I want it to stop. Just forget it, I’ll just stay this way, I don’t want to go on.  But it’s to late you have to finish.  Then right when you think that you cannot go on, the pain is unbearable, your going to die.  It’s finished, it’s all over.  You are blessed with a child and all of a sudden you forget about the pain. It wasn’t so bad after all, all that you are focused on is the blessing.  You would do it all over again.  That’s how I feel about the journey that Doug and I have been on.

I am not an open person. I don’t reveal all of my private thoughts. It would be hard for me to come forward at church in front of everyone.  I am the person that would seek out someone in private and ask friends privately to pray for me.  Doug is an open book, on his blog and in Church. I admire that. I am not a direct person. It drives my oldest son Brandon and Doug crazy. I beat around the bush until I finally kill the bush. It would be much easier just to say what’s on my mind than to be so indirect. I digress think that that will be another blog.

 When Doug confessed in front of the church about his drug addiction, it was the beginning of our journey with God. God was breaking us down, not just Doug , but me too. God was going to take us on an adventure. The beginning was painful, but nothing compared to where we were going. I didn’t know how long it was going to take.  I didn’t know that there were going to be such dark, dark, days and weeks and months. Not just for Doug, but for me too.  God was laboring with us. In the middle of the process we both wanted to quit, we had had enough. God said No, there is no turning back now. When we got to the point where we were totally dependant on HIM, breathing HIM in and out, because we had no breath of our own, loving him with all of our strength, heart, mind and soul. Trusting him completely, then our blessing came.  The medication is working, Doug is getting better. We have grown.  We have a deeper relationship with God. We have deeper relationships with our brother’s and sister’s, we have a deeper relationship with family, we know God’s love.  WE are SO SO Blessed.  It has been a great adventure.

We know that we have more adventure’s to come and that we are not done with this one. God is with us. It makes me want to say, let’s go on another one, before this one is really over. It’s like being on an amusement ride, screaming and scared to death, and then when it’s done and your safe, you want to go again.  Don’t be afraid to let God tear you down, it’s painful, scary, and hard.  It’s also a wonderful blessing.  It’s real LOVE.  It’s the only way we can learn to be more like HIM. It’s continual because we are not perfect and much work has to be done in us. Each time we do it, HE teaches us and molds us and makes us better. Each time we will get stronger and become more Christ like, it’s a wonderful blessing. 

I am so so proud that Doug is my husband and that God loves us enough to take us on an adventure with him.

 

Praise God!

Noreen